Whatchamacallit

The past month has been a literal roller coaster. Emotionally, spiritually, you name it everything else. I really can't explain my feelings right now. It isn't a storm, it is almost like that eerie feeling it is outside right before a storm comes, but sometimes it doesn't hit but it comes awfully close. You might experience a drop or two, but the climate outside is almost dangerous.

I have learned so much this past month, about friends, family, faith, truth, and that people are just plain crazy. No joke, there is no other word to describe it. As I get older I realize more and more how sin sick we as humans are. God still initiates the relationship, he doesn't want us to live the lives we are living. So many people run from our Lord, when in doubt he is the only thing that can give us peace. I have failed him so many times. I keep going back to the saying, "I can't brag about my love for Christ, but I can brag about his love for me." I do love my Savior, I don't always show it, but he will never fail me.

I say the above from experience. I have been there. I have ran from God. Knowing in my heart what is right, but continue to do wrong. I have been the betrayer. I have been paranoid, scared, guilty. Until one day the Lord got a hold of me. When He gets a hold of you, you have no choice but to surrender. One day I will share my story when God allows it. Right now I can tell you that I know what it feels like to be an outcast, to be ridiculed and to be a Judas. I can tell you, that Jesus is the reason I am who I am today. I have experience the greatest forgiveness, mercy and love. I can not go back to who I once was.

I will have several post here in a couple of days. So much going through my mind right now, I thought if I could just write it down it might help, I will let you know if it does.

I do know that my Jesus loves me, the victory has been won, and all of this is just temporary....

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save, He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17

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