This past week has been very emotional and challenging. I have had to rely on my Savior now more than ever. Since August I have had major changes in this house. It is all surreal. The Lord has been faithful.
As you all know by now, we moved Devyn out to Texas this past weekend so she could start her life with her new husband. I am so thrilled for her. She has a cute place that is really big for the two of them. They are starting to make memories and enjoying marriage as best friends. I pray for the Lord's blessings upon them.
The Lord has been revealing himself to me in so many ways. I have known for a while that she would be gone by March. He had given me the peace of that a time ago. He allowed her and I to have the four months that Joel was a Basic to spend together. Then He sent a winter storm two days before she left so we could spend the final days together without the stress of school and work. The Lord has a way of using Winter Storms in our life to carry out His will. I was so thankful for that time. I was prepared to let her go. It was time. Only the Lord can heal a mother's heart during this time. I had had my share of crying for the past couple of months, when no one knew but the Lord. It is different than when you send them off to college. It is almost final. The realization that their presence will no longer be in the home that you created around them. All the memories flood your heart and mind at once.You think, did I do enough? Give them enough? Love them enough?
The Lord whispers, yes...you did what I called you to do. She was mine to begin with. You did what I asked you to do. She can fly on her own now momma. He has taught me so much more during this time other than about change. He has also taught me about unconditional love. His unconditional love. How our lives mimic God's love for us. You see the past couple of weeks have been emotional. There were times that her and I would not get along. I know it was her way of trying to break free. I just wanted her to realize she didn't have to struggle, I was releasing her to soar. All of this has been new to her. So she had so many emotions that she didn't want to deal with. Pushing me away was a lot easier than dealing with saying goodbye. Even all the way up to dropping us off at the air port, she didn't even want to hug us bye, like the last 20 years didn't matter. How many times do we do this to God. All He wants is to love us. All He wants is to have a relationship with us. How many times do we just push Him away over and over and over. How many times we hurt God, and He keeps on loving us and keeps on trying to have that relationship with us.
The Flight back the Lord really began speaking to me. When we were up in that plane, looking down at the clouds, the Lord reminded me that He is my pilot. He allows me to stand on the mountain, wander through the desert and walk through the valley. While I could not see where we were going. I had complete trust in the pilot to get me to our destination. So I must trust the Lord onward from here as our lives are changing. He gave me the greatest traveling partner on this journey. My Michael. Flying back with Michael was the highlight of our trip. I haven't flown in 18 years and he hadn't flown in 14. It was during this time that made me realize that I was falling in love with my husband all over again. He makes me laugh, he knows me all to well. He knows how to put me in my place, but he also knows the right words to say. He is definitely my soul mate. There are plenty of times that the Lord has used Michael to speak to me. Many of those times it is confirmation of what I have already prayed about.
We arrived home around 9:45 pm. We got to my mother in laws and my youngest four children came running out, hugging us and were so glad we were home. It was one of the best feelings. It was another confirmation of scripture the Lord gave me about two weeks ago.
I have been doing a study on Gideon. The scripture he led me to was this one:
" But the Lord said to Gideon, “There are still too many men. Take them down to the water, and I will thin them out for you there. If I say, ‘This one shall go with you,’ he shall go; but if I say, ‘This one shall not go with you,’ he shall not go.” So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the Lord told him, “Separate those who lap the water with their tongues as a dog laps from those who kneel down to drink.” Three hundred of them drank from cupped hands, lapping like dogs. All the rest got down on their knees to drink.
The Lord said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.” So Gideon sent the rest of the Israelites home but kept the three hundred, who took over the provisions and trumpets of the others. Judges 7:4-8
You might think this scripture is a little strange when it comes to my family, but let me explain what the Lord has spoken to me. You see, the Lord wanted Gideon to cut down the size of his army. He asked Gideon to take them down to drink water, those who lapped water like dogs were asked to go home. Those that cupped the water to drink were the ones that needed to stay. They were the alert ones. The Lord has been telling me it is time for my family to get smaller at home so I can be more alert to the ones I have left at home. This is not a bad thing. It is and has been in the Lord's plan. It is my youngest four's time. It is also their time to be the stars of my blog. Devyn has her own now, so you can follow her on her adventures.
Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs a woman can ever accept. It will stretch your hearts to depths that you have never imagined. It also the Lord's way of building character in you that he sees. I can not imagine my life any different.
"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart" Luke 2:19