My six

My six

"As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Life Lessons

I have told my children, "you learn something new everyday, no matter what" It could be a new song, a useless piece of information, some trivia answer or a life lesson. You will learn something new everyday. Today I learned that I am not as close to my kids as I thought that I was. So I guess that one is a life lesson.

I love my children. My entire world revovles around them. I am proud of each one, they are all so different and the Lord has blessed each one of them in a different way. Growing up I had a little brother and we were not and still are not close. I had three female cousins and we are not that close. I was close to my mom when I was in high school, but not like I think we should of been. I really want an awesome relationship with my kids when they get older. Right now I am their mother, not their "cool" friend. That means I am their provider, encourager, I am the one that disciplines them. I am a counselor, nurse, cook, maid, there biggest fan. I know their traits, and their faults. I know their failures and their victories. Being a mother is one of the toughest jobs in the world, and God gave it to the woman. He knew we were strong enough to carry them, tender enough to love them, determined enough to provide and influetial enough to guide them. I really want the type of my relationship with my kids that they know they can call me when they are hurt, or happy. Right now the little ones do that because they are little and I am at the center of their world along with cartoons and chocolate milk. But when they get older I want to be able to have a cup of coffee at the table and us laugh at goofy things, and cry over stories that touch us or times we are disappointed.  I want to be able to read a good book and share it with my girls. and with my boys I want them to be able to come to me and have them ask me to help them to decide on the best gift for their girlfriends or wife. We are far away from that. My oldest daughter has suffered probably the biggest disappointment of her young life, and I feel like she has pushed me away. She has said some things that have come out of left field and I don't know what to do. I thought we were getting really close. Boy was I wrong. I have just longed for that one person to really be close to since I have never really had that. I am guessing I never will or maybe Jesus just wants it to be Him.
I pray that she will heal and allow God to guide her in the direction that He wants since she will not listen to me. I have to let go. I have loved her, and there are plenty of times we have gotten in to it. I thought it was just normal, my mom and I use to, her sisters and her daughters, her mom and sister. I thought that moms and daughters just don't get along sometimes. No matter what, she is still my daughter, and I love her. I accept the fact that we might not ever have the relationship that I wanted. It is my fault. It still doesn't change the fact that as a mother, I hurt when they hurt and want to cry when they cry and laugh when they laugh and have joy when they have joy. It is hard when  they get older, you can't just fix things like you can when they are three.  Sometimes the things we learn are learned hard, and we don't forget them

-pg

"Hear my son your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching for they are graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck." Proverbs 1:8

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I'm Gonna Miss that Smile


This is a difficult post. But I feel that in order to heal I need to post it. One of my best friends passed away last week from pancreatic cancer. He was family to me. His name is Randy. This is my favorite picture of him. That is the face I see when I think of him. He has been a big part of my family's life for the past 10 years. He found out he has pancreatic cancer on November 23, 2009. He died January 13, 2010.

Where do I begin. Randy has just always been there. He was someone I could cut up with, call just to talk to. Mike would talk to him everyday. We met in 1999 when Daulton and his son Logan were four years old. It was the very first team they were on. Mike didn't start coaching with Randy until 2003. The boys were on allstars together. Over the years just spending time at the ball field and getting to know Randy was pleasure. We spent vacations together with our boys playing ball and developed a friendship that will last forever. Him and Logan would come over for Thanksgiving. He would just stop by the house sometimes just to visit. This has been one of the hardest things to face, that your friend is about to not be there any more. And he is not. I still have his number in my cell phone. Sometimes I think of things that I need to ask him or say and catch myself. He is not there. There are so many things that I did not say to him before he left. We got to the hospital room just two seconds after he took his last breath. That is hard, a shot of reality, just how fragile life is. We all did not think it would happen this fast. This is what I would tell him now if I knew he would hear it:

Randy,
Thank you for being my friend. You were only my friend because you were so close to Michael, but that is fine by me. He thinks the world of you. Thank you for being so good to my kids, especially Daulton. He really looks up to you and has enjoyed playing for you. He has so many good memories. Thank you for being such a dear friend to Michael. I know that he misses you like crazy, but he won't show it. I know you would get aggravated at me, I am sorry, I just cared about you. I know that you were mad at me the night I called you and asked if you were sick. At the time you did not know what was going on. You promised me you would go to the doctor, and you did, but it was too late. I love you dearly and I am so glad that I was able to be your friend. I am thankful that the Lord allowed our paths to cross and that you were a part of our lives.
Love Paige

When we did have the chance to talk, all I could say is "Randy , you just don't know how much we love you"
I hope that he knew. It has been hard on Mike. He hasn't really showed it. Mike spoke at Randy's memorial and did an excellent job. Randy named Mike the executor of his will. He trusted Mike that much, so pray for him as he sees Randy's wishes out. It will probably get stressful, but as a servant of Christ and the love of his friend he has gladly taken it on.

Toby Keith has a song out called, " Cryin for Me" I have posted the words to the chorus below. It just seems to really hit home.

"I'm gonna miss that smile, I'm gonna miss you my friend.
Even though it hurts the way it ended up, I'd do it all again.
So play it sweet in heaven, 'cause thats right where you wanna be
I'm not cryin' 'cause I feel sorry for you, I'm cryin' for me."

-pg

"A man of many companions may come to ruins, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" Proverbs 18:24

Thank you Randy, for being that brother.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Updates

The past six weeks have come and gone! We had a great Christmas. A nice time together, I get two weeks off because I work for the school system. I was able to get ALL of my laundry caught up. But today it is back to being a mess!! Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

The last six weeks have passed by so fast!! So much has happened. I will post Christmas pics soon, I just have other things to post before.