Life Lessons

I have told my children, "you learn something new everyday, no matter what" It could be a new song, a useless piece of information, some trivia answer or a life lesson. You will learn something new everyday. Today I learned that I am not as close to my kids as I thought that I was. So I guess that one is a life lesson.

I love my children. My entire world revovles around them. I am proud of each one, they are all so different and the Lord has blessed each one of them in a different way. Growing up I had a little brother and we were not and still are not close. I had three female cousins and we are not that close. I was close to my mom when I was in high school, but not like I think we should of been. I really want an awesome relationship with my kids when they get older. Right now I am their mother, not their "cool" friend. That means I am their provider, encourager, I am the one that disciplines them. I am a counselor, nurse, cook, maid, there biggest fan. I know their traits, and their faults. I know their failures and their victories. Being a mother is one of the toughest jobs in the world, and God gave it to the woman. He knew we were strong enough to carry them, tender enough to love them, determined enough to provide and influetial enough to guide them. I really want the type of my relationship with my kids that they know they can call me when they are hurt, or happy. Right now the little ones do that because they are little and I am at the center of their world along with cartoons and chocolate milk. But when they get older I want to be able to have a cup of coffee at the table and us laugh at goofy things, and cry over stories that touch us or times we are disappointed.  I want to be able to read a good book and share it with my girls. and with my boys I want them to be able to come to me and have them ask me to help them to decide on the best gift for their girlfriends or wife. We are far away from that. My oldest daughter has suffered probably the biggest disappointment of her young life, and I feel like she has pushed me away. She has said some things that have come out of left field and I don't know what to do. I thought we were getting really close. Boy was I wrong. I have just longed for that one person to really be close to since I have never really had that. I am guessing I never will or maybe Jesus just wants it to be Him.

I pray that she will heal and allow God to guide her in the direction that He wants since she will not listen to me. I have to let go. I have loved her, and there are plenty of times we have gotten in to it. I thought it was just normal, my mom and I use to, her sisters and her daughters, her mom and sister. I thought that moms and daughters just don't get along sometimes. No matter what, she is still my daughter, and I love her. I accept the fact that we might not ever have the relationship that I wanted. It is my fault. It still doesn't change the fact that as a mother, I hurt when they hurt and want to cry when they cry and laugh when they laugh and have joy when they have joy. It is hard when  they get older, you can't just fix things like you can when they are three.  Sometimes the things we learn are learned hard, and we don't forget them

-pg

"Hear my son your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching for they are graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck." Proverbs 1:8