I'm Gonna Miss that Smile

This is a difficult post. But I feel that in order to heal I need to post it. One of my best friends passed away last week from pancreatic cancer. He was family to me. His name is Randy. This is my favorite picture of him. That is the face I see when I think of him. He has been a big part of my family's life for the past 10 years. He found out he has pancreatic cancer on November 23, 2009. He died January 13, 2010.

Where do I begin. Randy has just always been there. He was someone I could cut up with, call just to talk to. Mike would talk to him everyday. We met in 1999 when Daulton and his son Logan were four years old. It was the very first team they were on. Mike didn't start coaching with Randy until 2003. The boys were on allstars together. Over the years just spending time at the ball field and getting to know Randy was pleasure. We spent vacations together with our boys playing ball and developed a friendship that will last forever. Him and Logan would come over for Thanksgiving. He would just stop by the house sometimes just to visit. This has been one of the hardest things to face, that your friend is about to not be there any more. And he is not. I still have his number in my cell phone. Sometimes I think of things that I need to ask him or say and catch myself. He is not there. There are so many things that I did not say to him before he left. We got to the hospital room just two seconds after he took his last breath. That is hard, a shot of reality, just how fragile life is. We all did not think it would happen this fast. This is what I would tell him now if I knew he would hear it:

Randy,

Thank you for being my friend. You were only my friend because you were so close to Michael, but that is fine by me. He thinks the world of you. Thank you for being so good to my kids, especially Daulton. He really looks up to you and has enjoyed playing for you. He has so many good memories. Thank you for being such a dear friend to Michael. I know that he misses you like crazy, but he won't show it. I know you would get aggravated at me, I am sorry, I just cared about you. I know that you were mad at me the night I called you and asked if you were sick. At the time you did not know what was going on. You promised me you would go to the doctor, and you did, but it was too late. I love you dearly and I am so glad that I was able to be your friend. I am thankful that the Lord allowed our paths to cross and that you were a part of our lives.

Love Paige

When we did have the chance to talk, all I could say is "Randy , you just don't know how much we love you"

I hope that he knew. It has been hard on Mike. He hasn't really showed it. Mike spoke at Randy's memorial and did an excellent job. Randy named Mike the executor of his will. He trusted Mike that much, so pray for him as he sees Randy's wishes out. It will probably get stressful, but as a servant of Christ and the love of his friend he has gladly taken it on.

Toby Keith has a song out called, " Cryin for Me" I have posted the words to the chorus below. It just seems to really hit home.

"I'm gonna miss that smile, I'm gonna miss you my friend.
Even though it hurts the way it ended up, I'd do it all again.
So play it sweet in heaven, 'cause thats right where you wanna be
I'm not cryin' 'cause I feel sorry for you, I'm cryin' for me."

-pg

"A man of many companions may come to ruins, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" Proverbs 18:24

Thank you Randy, for being that brother.