Out of Focus

I sat in the Women’s Center lobby patiently waiting to get called back by the technician for test results. The past two weeks had been very stressful. I had just turned 40 the week before. Earlier this week I had to see my doctor for a yearly visit which resulted in my first routine mammogram. The results were back within 24 hours. He called me himself to let me know I needed further testing as soon as possible.

This was not what I wanted to hear. It was bad enough that I had just turned 40, a life event which I had fought for the past year. I held onto my 30’s with white knuckled fist. I was just not ready to grow old. Forty means so many changes, children growing up and moving on, our parents growing older, things that I am just not ready for. Now my health was in question.

The two days that followed my doctor’s phone call I spent in prayer. I would have my quiet time, but I was in a constant awareness of my mortality. I tried to be brave, I was scared. I was not prepared for a battle. This was not one I wanted to fight right now.

When you are faced with uncertainty you start reflecting. Turning 40 really makes you reflect. The Lord has brought me so far. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. I was a rebellious teenager, a young wife and mother. I met Christ at the age of 22. He continued to reveal himself to me. Through challenges and blessings. Twenty three years of marriage and six children later, I can still see His hand in my life. We are just here on this earth for a short time, but spend eternity with him. When you put that into perspective it is easier to face storms. He has brought me through so much; he was going to bring me through this.

He led me to this scripture:

   Listen to Me, O house of Jacob, And all the remnant of the house of Israel,                       

   Who have been upheld by Me from birth,

  Who have been carried from the womb                           

  Even to your old age, I am He,

  And even to gray hairs I will carry you!    

 I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you. (Isaiah 46:3-4 NKJV)

His word gives us peace and calms our anxious hearts. This scripture was just what I needed. Reminding me that He is my creator, he has been with me since birth and will be with me as I am growing older. He was carrying me now in this dark time, and I will be delivered, no matter the outcome. I can fully rest in Him.

I was finally called back by the tech. After a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, it was determined I had benign fluid cyst. Just something to keep an eye on. All praise to the Father. While I am sure many women experience the same diagnosis, this was new to me. Jesus wants us to come with Him with everything.

Sometimes we get out of focus in life and circumstances happen to make us turn back to what should be our focal point. We let daily routines and challenges take our eyes off of the one who cares about the smallest details of our lives. When we lose focus, it allows fear, doubt, and insecurity. It doesn’t mean we will not have trials. They are just so much easier to go through when we know that we are being carried by our Lord through them!